Creepypasta Critic 4: The real story of ticci tob(uscus was never funn)y

'''(Hello, I'm the Creepypasta Critic. I remember it because it's my name; what did you expect, dumbasses? Today, we're going to journey into parody stories. Parody stories, in one of many senses, take a famous known topic and beat it down mainly for comedic purposes. And in case you're wondering, Death Day wasn't a parody of overused death in pastas. It was just a horribly written satire of them. Now, the topic of today's parody pasta is about Ticci Toby. A sadly underrated creepypasta, Ticci Toby told us the story of how the death of a sister and an abusive father, along with other depressing factor's in the main character's life, led him to slowly kill his own father. There may be some other plot points I missed, but it is an amazing creepypasta that should be checked out sometime in your future. ...Yeah, if this is going to be an UNFUNNY parody of death and abuse, than this pasta will not be a pretty one when I'm critiquing it. "The real story of ticci toby" is a part of Trollpasta's Deletion Log Refugees, and when looking at this pasta from the other refugees, you'll learn to appreciate the others more. I'm not going to specify any (because I may be reviewing some soon), but this refugee is definitely at the bottom of the refugee barrel. So, let's see what this author imagined up when he read about death and gore; this is "The REAL story of ticci toby"!'''

I get that there are millons of story's of Ticci toby (No, there aren't...) but very few know the real story i am luckily one of them. (Because the specific, primary source of the first story CLEARLY wasn't specific enough!) What happen'd was he was a messed up kid (No crap shithead.) he took pills to keep his anger down but i didn't think they helped but i don't know. (That's right! You obviously DON'T know what happened in Toby's hard-knock life! But I only have one question to ask you: Why are you still continuing the story?) I was in school with him he was being quiet i mean he was normally quiet but now it was like he didnt pay attention to anyone (Maybe he likes to be alone! OH NOOOOO! (The author of this one is so bad in explaining the original story.)) so i went over there and started to talk to him. i said hey whats (going ooooon!) up and (wheat) thins like that after about a 2 minute conversation the bell rang and school ended. (Um, you could have told the readers earlier on that the setting was THE END OF THE FUCKING SCHOOL DAY! Can you at least...try to care about Story Telling 101 further into this pasta?) I guess we were friends (There's no guessing on friendship! You're friends or you're not friends! God, does this author not know Society 101 either? 

God: "I don't think he does. I swear last time I checked in on him, he pleaded not guilty to robbing a grocery store. God, out!")

but whatever ("I mean, being friends with a depressed kid in my class isn't THAT important. I'll just wait it off until he gets therapy and he loses control of his life.") i was helping manege his anger at his house (To give the author credit, he/she TRIES to show that the main character of this story is nice enough to help Toby. Too bad the dialogue is written so poorly that even hoboes wouldn't speak the language that's shown in this pasta.) when his drunk dad came in. (Oh JOY; the author made Toby's father a one-dimensional character! He doesn't try to care about his family in this pasta, he's just DRUNK! ...good to know!)He told me to leave but i didn't i was in the room across the hall. I heard his dad beat him relentlessly (Um; who is the dad beating up? The story's main protagonist or Toby? And FOR WHAT REASON? I know you want the readers to hate the father, but he can't be this one-dimensional! You need to make every character in your story likeable so that every character can gain sympathy! I mean, GOD!

God: "You called?"

'''Creepypasta Critic: Whoops! Sorry, God! I didn't need you for anything!'''

God: "Aw, fuck! I missed my wedding renewal for this! God, out...*sobs*")

i rush over to help but when i came in he was unconscious so i got his mom in there and his sister. Toby was rushed to the hospital i felt bad for him so i came to see him (420 smoke weed) everyday i could. 2 months later he was discharged from the hospital i bought him some food and we saw a movie. (Again, props to the author for making the protagonist likeable. At least he was smart enough to know that John Terry wasn't the best protagonist in a pasta.)  But when he got home he was still sad and depressed. (Duuuuh, I wonder why.) when he went to school all the kids were beating him up calling him names like "bitch" "faggot and stuff like that

(School Bully 1: "I heard that Toby was beaten up by his drunk father, and he DIDN'T fight back!

School Bully 2: "What a pussy! Let's beat him up so he learns his lesson!") 

i got some of the bullies to beat me up so he could leave (Can I please hug the protagonist right now?) but when they were beating me up he stabbed one of them with his knife he had for this reason. he was called in to the office he was exbeled (So because Toby was expelled from school, he stabbed a bully with a knife? Makes sense.) i told him it was my fault but he didn't wanna hear it. (I know that I'm getting annoying over the protagonist, but he/she needs to have his/her own TV show about their life! It would probably be up there with Steven Universe!) i was still helping him coop his anger everyday after school until i heard his sister got in a car crash he was devastated. (Aw, man! I'm being too kind on this pasta, but I'm also glad that the author got the story's continuity right!...) a few weeks later his dad was back and he got mad again and instead of hitting Toby or me he hit his mom and killed her (...or not! BTW: You gotta love those one-dimensional characters, am I right?) we hid in the closet until we called the cops on his dad for the 2nd time. (Nobody called the cops once in this story. And now I just noticed that not even Toby's mom or sister called the cops...)  he had nothing but me he was living with me for a while until he left he went into the (wario's) woods to think and he just never came back i went out there to look for him around midnight because my mom would kill me if she knew i was there'''. (Is the protagonist overreacting? I hope he/she is...) i started to have a nose bleed and drums and bells rang in my ears when i saw him (Fun fact: There are no nature-made bells in the middle of the woods. And that was basically a rule of REALITY 101.)''' " Toby" i said "where have you been" he only said "whatever you do dont run" when i turned around a big cruture with alot of arms and a black suit appered he said his name was slender. (SLENDERMAN! SLENDERMAN, WHAT? WHAT? SLENDERMAN, WHAT?) He was helping Toby get better and he was his apprentice (OK, I officially think that I took too many magic mushrooms before reading this stinker.)  he also said he wanted me to join something called the (foxy by) proxy he took me in and soon i knew what they were doing the were killing people. (What? You thought that Toby turned to murder by his abusive but kind, three-dimensional father? You're a fucking dumbass!) Toby choose the bullies that picked on us me and him together again all i could think about was"what the fuck am i doing" but the blood was it felt great the rush. (...wow...fucking WOW! They destroyed the only good character, and thing in this pasta!...I feel violated! I feel violated for ever liking ANYTHING about this pasta! In fact, why not end on a stupid moral about bullying that's obviously fake, cliche, and the readers will obvously know is fake!)  so now me and Toby are here telling you the real story so if you ever picked on the quiet one in the school watch your back im coming. (I rest my FUCKING CASE.)

(So, that was "The real story of ticci toby". This story wasn't really a good parod- WHY DID YOU DESTROY THE PROTAGONIST'S CHARACTER?!? This...interesting pile of shit is filled with huge peices of corn which are made up of unlikable characters, bad writing/dialogue, NO capitalization, little to no continuity with the amazing original story, and little to no payoff to the readers! This pasta deserves to be an obscure story UNDERNEATH the bottom of the refugee barrel! Now, if you'll excue me, I'm going to get my 12-gauge out to defend myself from the author of this pasta, because he'll probably want to kill me after I shit on his prized "parody"! I'm the Creepypasta Critic, and if you forget my name, then I'll murder you slowly while you sleep!)