Creepypasta Critic 11: Sonic.(s)exe(y) 2: Electric Boo(HOLY SHIT A GHOST AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!)galoo- Part 2

 

(Hello, I’m the Creepypasta Critic! I remember- WAIT, WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN? I KNOW YOU READ PART 1, YOU KNOW YOU READ PART 1, AND THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS YOU READ PART 1! Back to the horrible story.)

4:50 am December 25th, 2011

I called the guys back at the (play)station to help me move Chelsea (You moved your own sister into her grave? Um, FUCKING EW! I think funeral homes would take care of that job. That is, unless you’ve been living under a fucking ROCK!)….Oh god, why? Why her?

(God: Didn’t we already answer this question? Goodness, kids these days, always CARING when someone dies. Whatever happened to the caveman days, where family members used to eat children to stay alive? God, out, again.)

Did the killer found out and tried to cover his tracks? (I’d only approve of cover songs if the originals were good.) No, it doesn’t look like anything was taken or destroyed…well except for the computer…and the game is still here…(So, if the computer and game were still there after the conflict, then WHY MENTION THAT NOTHING ELSE WAS TAKEN OR DESTROYED? Is the writer trying to put some lighting on Sonic.exe? Because I can clearly see in the TITLE that the game is the main antagonist!............................................Well, it’s not like there’s a decent PROTAGONIST in this story, but still.) I wanted to keep it to find out why this had happened but the Chief demanded I hand it over to him…The way he asked for it is really odd, it’s as if he doesn’t want me to do anything to this game disc. (Derek’s going to get it back by god-like magic, isn’t he? When he does, I’ll say “rhubarb”. Irrelevant, I know, but unique nonetheless.)

The funeral for my sister will be prepared in a few days…I can’t believe that Chelsea…my own sister, is gone…When I find out who killed her, I’m gonna make sure he pays dearly.(……………………*The Critic is scared. Not at the story, but at a flaw in the story.* Um, how would you know what gender the killer was? Please tell me.)

4:50 pm December 28th, 2011

Came back from the funeral. God am I a mess.

(God: Eh, this isn’t the worst Creepypasta I’ve peeped in on that the Critic has reviewed, but your self-awareness is bringing it higher and higher up on the list.)

Thankfully Boss (*facepalm*) was there for me, he’s the only person who’s ever supported me and Chelsea, I’m glad he’s on my side about this case.

A woman came to me in the funeral party. Her name is Shannon Goldman, and she was supposedly a representative for the “Cult of X”, as she called it. (Wha-.....Who the fuck are you? If you’re introducing a new character name for us, I assume she’s going to be a main character. And introducing a main character IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR STORY shows that the writer thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants because SEQUEL TO A POPULAR STORY! LOL) She told me she was sorry for my loss and pulled out some weird religious crap about “X” wishing me a happier year. Seriously? (“Someone in the funeral home came up to me and showed pity towards me, a completely normal emotion to show towards any relative of the recently deceased. Seriously?”) Who is this “X” guy anyway? She told me that soon “X” will make things better for the whole world, which pretty much ended the conversation right there. That woman is crazy.

Anyways, more news about the Cult of X doing more crazy stuff, wow, whoever this “X” guy is he’s making as much an impact on the pub(l)ic (hairs) as the killer is.

2:20 pm January 2nd 2012

Another murder. Jesus, this guy never has a break with this does he? This is like the 22nd killing! What is he trying to gain from killing all the people? And how the HELL is he getting away with it so goddamn easily? (And how does this relate to SONIC MUTHAFUGGIN DOT EXE?)

I gotta(dammerung) know what it is Chelsea was finding. She was on to something I just know it. Maybe if I look around in her room I might find a clue.

(Derek: So to play Chelsea’s Clues we gotta find a…

Child: BLOOD STAIN!

Derek: Right, ‘cause that’s the first…

Child: FORM OF EVIDENCE!

'''Derek: Yeah! And then we put it in our... '''

'''Child: MARKED PLASTIC BAG! '''

'''Derek: Cause they're Chelsea's Clues, Chelsea's Clues! '''

 We gotta find another item with fingerprints on it, that's the second clue 

 We put it in our baggie 

''' Cause they're whose clues? Chelsea's Clues!'''

  We gotta find the last blood-covered weapon, that's the third clue 

 We put it in our pocket where we can use it on the defendant

''' Cause they're Chelsea's Clues, Chelsea's Clues! '''

''' You know what to do! '''

''' Sit down in our Happy Thoughts Chair and worry...worry...WORRY! '''

 ‘Cause when we use our mind, take a step at a time 

 We can write anything...that we wanna write!)

5:30 pm

Well, whatever Chelsea found, she left alotta good clues for me. (*Derek looks left and right for safety precautions, and then slips a knife and revolver into his jean pockets.*) The computer isn’t entirely broken. In fact it seems like it only got beat up a few times, but still surprisingly working like new. I’m actually surprised I didn’t see it like this that night. But then again, if you lost someone you love, you too would lose sight of very important details surrounding you. (If you lost someone you love the day before an unpaid bill of yours would become overdue, the bill would still become overdue unless you paid it off at the last second.)

Anyways I checked the computer and there’s an icon for the Sonic.exe game on her desktop. (I’M DONE! I’M FUCKING DONE!.....................................................“RHUBARB!!!!!”) My god, how the hell did Chelsea even get this? (On a CD. Which is a part of the plot that you completely forgot about to make writing your story easier on you.) I guess it doesn’t really matter. (OH, IT DOESN’T MATTER, HUH? WELL IT CERTAINLY FUCKING MATTERS TO ME!!!!!) What’s really important is what I found in her notes.

Apparently Chelsea was terrified of this game. (And pray tell HOW did she die if she was expressively freaked out by the game? The only way she could die then is if the writer got lazy, so the writer forced Chelsea to keep play- *The Critic thinks this over for a bit, confirms it in his mind, and proceeds to throw his hands up the air and slam them down on the table where he is critiquing*)  Something from the game scared the CRAP out of her. In fact according to what she wrote down, she made it seem like the game is cursed or something. (Oh. How vivid. No “A BLUE HEDGEHOG IS MURDERING THIS CUTE FOX WITH TWO TAILS!!!” No “There was blood all over the background after I completed the level.”? No mention of Sonic ANYWHERE? “The game is cursed or something!” Sure.) But that can’t be the case, there’s no way a computer game would harm anyone…right?

7:12 am January 3rd 2012

Okay, I changed my mind, maybe there IS something spooky about the game after all. (Oh, if only Derek found this out sooner in this murder investigation!.........................................oh wait, YES HE FUCKING DID WHEN HE FUCKING SAW THAT CHELSEA FUCKING WROTE DOWN THAT SHE FUCKING FOUND THE GAME ON THE FUCKING COMPUTER! Phew! That took a LOT of energy out of me! *The Critic pulls a bottle of Gatorade out of his ass and starts gulping it down* sip sip sip sip sip sip FUCKING sip sip sip sip sip GOD DAMN sip sip sip sip) Last night I had a dream

(I hope it will come true. You are here with me. And I am here with you. I wish that the earth, sea, and sky up above would send me someone to lava.)

…no…a nightmare (ned), more like. I remember it well: I was trapped in darkness, all was quiet except someone was laughing and talking to me. I kept having visions of Sonic the Hedgehog smiling and appearing all around me as he talked to me. He told me to play the game, over and over again, each time sounding more impatient. When he got to my face and yelled “PLAY IT!” that’s when I woke up with a fright…

…Why would Sonic want me to play a game that possibly killed my sister?

3:30 pm

Another murder. Number 24. And the Cult of X seems to be pestering the public more and more. What’s their deal? Don’t they realize that there’s a killer on the loose?

……Wait a minute….

What if this “X” weirdo is the killer? (If this is SOMEHOW proven true, why would people be worshiping a MURDERER? Wouldn’t at least ONE cult member come to his or her senses and call the police on this psycho killer?)

It would make sense, ever since these murders started this cult has been hanging around recruiting more and more people. And this “X” character they’re worshiping….Who is he? (Well, in Season 1, he was revealed to be Robin in disguise, but in Season 3, a new villain took control of the disguise and his identity was never shown to us!) Why is it that this cult even started after several murders have taken place? (OH, AFTER YOU, MY GOOD WRITER! PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!) I looked over Chelsea’s notes again and she seemed to agree with me. Apparently X has something to do with the Sonic.exe game. Did he make the game? Is he somehow got a hold of it and thought, “Hey! If I kill people with this game, people will like me!”? (Eh, if Baconpig was killed because he/she played your game, maybe I’d check this cult group out.)

If what X is doing is real, then something is SERIOUSLY wrong here. (The cult for this “X” is real! Why shouldn’t what he’s doing be real?)

6:30 pm

Unbelievable! The Chief of Police came over to my apartment a while ago and told me that the investigation may be too much for me (2much4me) to handle and he said I was off the case! What the hell?! I’ve practically found alotta evidence for it and he practically told me that I shouldn’t (keep calm and) continue on! He also said that Chelsea would have wanted me to quit with this after what happened. BULLSHIT.

Whatever, I’m not gonna let some fathead stop me from solving this case. (“Medical books aren’t written about LOSERS!”) I am gonna find out who X really is, why he’s doing all of this and I’m gonna turn him in!

5:00 pm February 8th, 2012

More murders, we’re up to 28 now. The Boss contacts me about it every now and then behind the Chief’s back, he told me that whoever is causing all these murders is one smart son of a bitch. I can’t really blame him. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to give X credit for being able to kill 28 people so far. But he’s not gonna get away with it. (But………….he has gotten away with it. 28 times to be precise.) Anyways, I’ve looked over Chelsea’s notes again and it what she wrote down before she got attacked was very odd, nonsensical stuff about a Sonic plushie always watching her, spying on her…

…I never saw a Sonic doll in the apartment. Then again I never questioned my sister’s sanity. She was always the smart one in things and it just pains me to realize how broken she was (OK, can people STOP referencing this dumbass Deletion Log Refugee? Seriously, the Redstonejesus shtick is getting old already.) just before she died…. I didn’t tell the Boss about X or Chelsea’s notes. I know he won’t believe me. Nobody will. I guess if you have to solve a case, you have to do it yourself.

8:30 pm

Someone sent a friend request on my Skype. He calls himself Cole. He said he can help me with this case, but only if I can trust him.

I rly don’t have a choice. I’m willing to do anything to put an end to this.

Anyways, Cole told me that I first have to get files of all the victims in the “Sonic.exe Murders”, that’s what the news is starting to call them now that the police has confirmed the old game data in the computers as evidence.

Later on tonight, I’m gonna pay the station a little visit.

11:45 pm

Jesus, what a close call. I just made it back from the station. I managed to grab all the files and I had a run in with the Chief. He asked what I was doing back in the station, I lied and told him that I had to pick up a few things from my office and decided to take some time off. Thankfully he believed me…but, it’s strange, the way he talked to me sounded like he didn’t believe me in the slightest. (Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! Stealing from a police office and lying to the Chief of Police! Boy, I haven’t seen a better role model since Claude Frollo!) Anyways, I got the files just like Cole asked.

I told Cole that all of the victims had the same occurrences: all of them were in a dead-like state, as if their souls were taken out, that they were all “numbered”, and that each computer the victims had were somehow destroyed and had Sonic.exe inside the hard drives.

Cole said there’s a reason why all the victims had Sonic.exe in their computers, and boy did I not like the answer…

The Cult of X is involved. Their members, after someone gets killed, steals the game disc the victim had at the time and hides it away for a while until it shows up later on at a random place to easily obtain it. These random locations could be anything: a game store, a pawn shop (Don’t pawn stores research every item that is traded in so they can tell if the trader is a crook? If the item traded in was stolen and the news published an article on it, then the crook can legally be arrested. And thus, if the guy who traded the game disc into the pawn shop was caught for the Sonic.exe murders, then the guy who traded with the pawn shop would in big trouble! Gosh, what the fuck is wrong with this writer?) the black market, eBay, Craigslist, random yet seemingly harmless deliveries, anywhere that involves buying stuff. That way, when the next potential victim finds it, he or she becomes the new owner of the Sonic.exe game until X comes to kill them (And……………………..HOW would X locate this disc every time someone obtains it? “Oh, there’s probably a chip built into it that GPS’s can track down.” Well, what if someone bought it but hadn’t played it yet?

'''*X parks his car near a house. The game disc is located in the house.*'''

X (talking on a cell phone): OK, thanks to the GPS, I’m in the location’s driveway and I’m going in with a shotgun.

'''Cult Member: Good luck, dude. You always do a good job.'''

'''X: You bet your ass I do. *X hangs up and then runs out of the car with the shotgun. He slams the door open and yells:* WHO PLAYED MY GAME?!?!?'''

'''*The entire family is gathered in the house. One of the family members is a little boy, and today is his birthday. He was just about to open his wrapped present that contained the game disc when X burst in and interrupted the celebration. The child is now scared out of his life and, while trembling in pure fear, he says:*'''

Birthday Boy: Mommy, what does that stranger have in his hand?

*X pauses and says nothing as the room awkwardly silences.*

'''X: Oh………………………………….......you haven’t played it yet…………………………………..Oh well! Make sure to play it in the next few days or so, because I’m going to be in town next week to kill you. See you next time!'''

'''*X runs away from the broken door. Before X can reach his car and drive away, the mother of the child does not hesitate to pull out a nearby shotgun from the closet. She then aims and shoots X to death.*)'''

and then a member of the cult comes to steal away the game disc again, and thus the cycle begins anew.

I asked Cole why the cult is even doing this, and he told me that “X”, the bastard, is clearly some sort of holy figure to the cult and they will do whatever it takes to be on his good side.

What does they see in X, anyhow? Why is it they like him so much that they’re willing to be accomplices to murder? Or better yet…What kind of power does X have to strike so much terror into people that they’ll do whatever he says? (*The Critic sighs* The writer’s asking more questions then he’s answering.)

3:30 pm March 1st, 2012

I couldn’t hold myself any longer, I had to know what Chelsea found in that game. (Death. She found death. And so will you.)

So I played it.

It started off pretty basic with the classic Sonic the Hedgehog title screen…until I started it.

Sonic…his eyes had gone black and there were red glowing dots staring at me…

Anyways, when I got on the character selection screen (yes, this game apparently has one.), I was shown the character lineup: Shadow, Sally and Rouge…Rouge was Chelsea’s favorite character. I chose not to play as her out of respect for Chelsea and chose Shadow. (For someone who was confused on this murder case at first, Derek sure does grasp a basic understanding of all the main character’s names in the Sonic universe.) That laugh…it sounded just like the laugh Sonic made in that dream I had…. (What? Peppermint Larry’s laugh isn’t scary at all!)

The game started with a level title called “Let’s Play”, and I was shown (Pewdiepie) standing in what appears to be a hallway of mirrors, with a faint echoing sound of a piano playing a calm melody in the distance. I had Shadow walk down the hall, and every time he walked past a mirror I was introduced to a more twisted, messed up version of himself in the mirror; his reflection’s red markings were oozing red as if he was bleeding, (Oh no!......................“oozing red”! Oh please, don’t let me see any more “oozing red” in this story!) and his eyes were bloodshot to the point to where they were red, bleeding and pulsating, and he had probably the most psychotic grin on his face. It’s like I was looking at a walking fountain of blood. (………………………………………………..WHAT?)

I had Shadow walk past the last mirror and the music stopped, Shadow was now walking down an empty quiet hallway, I had this growing sense of dread in my stomach. And then Shadow stopped at one more mirror. He stopped right at it, showing his weird, bleeding reflection. And then that laugh came again and I saw that the real Shadow was slowly transforming into his reflection, bleeding and smiling…What the hell kinda game IS this? (The writer is tact about this situation and knows that this situation is out of the ordinary, so I’ll let this criticism slide for the most part, but I need to put it out there that this isn’t how…..physics…..work!)

And then Sonic appeared…with those black and red eyes, red tears coming down his face…he smiled as he looked at Shadow. And then the screen went black and then came a message on the screen. “It’s not the outside that’s important, it’s who you are on the inside that really intrigues me.” (*The audience watching this game in the background gives Sonic (the game character) an Oscar for his performance during that line. While the entire audience is applauding Sonic, he says:*

'''Sonic: Thank you! Thank you, all! You love me! YOU REALLY, REALLY LOVE ME!)'''

When it came back to the level, Shadow was sitting on the floor cradling in a half-fetal position like a child, just grinning that freaky grin, (Unfortunate implications, much?) then Sonic smiled as he looked at me and then he lunged at Shadow, the screen going black with a loud pixelated screeching noise! Ga(k)! I still feel as if I can still hear it ringing in my ears… (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE SONIC LIKES TO COLLECT RINGZ!!!) That laugh came again and another message.

“You’re learning more about this better than anyone, aren’t you, Derek?” (If the game plays the same for anyone dumb enough to try it, then why did it give Derek so much praise? I mean, this game has probably killed better protagonists than Tom, Chelsea, and Derek, so why laud HIM?)

….What the FUCK?

How the Hell does this game know me?! (OK, whatever you do now, just DON’T press the power off button. Mario will say “See you next time!” before you turn it off, and the gaming system will produce a screeching noise that will send you flying into your bedroom wall, killing you! *Bonus points if you get the reference!*)

This doesn’t make any sense! (And this reviewing job of mine doesn’t make any DOLLARS! What’s your point?)

It brought me back to the main menu and I saw that Shadow was now in one of the TV screens looking as he did earlier, looking rather mindlessly happy…. I had to turn the game off…(Better late then never, I suppose!) My head hurts so much from all this… Was this was Chelsea found? A haunted computer game? And now some guy is using this to as an excuse (for a sequel), just to gain a cult?

I just don’t get it. WHY IS ALL OF THIS HAPPENING?! (Because, apparently, the writer of the original Sonic.exe thought his clichéd mess was SO GOOD that he decided to make this grammar-broken “gem”. The self-awareness in this pasta is strong, though.)

Who is X? Who is X?! WHO IS X?!?!

…..Sonic?

4:30 pm March 2nd, 2012

I’ve come to a conclusion. It’s obvious that X is no ordinary human being. In fact I no longer even think he’s human, (Coca-)Cole(a) filled me in about him. “X” is really called “Sonic.exe”, named after the game that’s been causing all this trouble. Cole Skyped me (Because THAT won’t date this pasta at all!) recently me that Sonic.exe has been around long before the game did.

I ask him what X was exactly and his answer unnerved me…. (“It’s the letter that you see on a person’s eyes to show that they’re dead.”)

Sonic.exe is a monster. No, not the monsters you see in horror films or video games, he is a REAL monster. And he’s not just any monster apparently. Cole told me that X is a supernatural being from another dimension. How fucking crazy is THAT?! But it’s true. It has to be. X has this power to control all of reality in his realm, and he is unable to do the same in our world because he can’t enter it.

So some time ago someone made a game disc that would serve as a window between X’s world and ours, anyone who plays it gets a front row seat of what X’s dimension looks like, and it is HELL. (So X’s world is a poorly put together, 16 bit world where Sonic characters are a reality? Also, in Shadow’s level, mirrors are seen to exist in X’s world, and mirrors were invented in our world. So if no one from X’s world can see into our world, then the writer just created a hard plot hole to defend that he/she is going to roll with like it’s not a flaw in the story.) Not literally Hell, but pretty freaking close! Over time after someone plays X’s game, X sends out a plushie of Sonic to act as a spy for him, then when the time is right, X is able to open the window for a short time and pull people into his world where they are trapped forever. (What if the player is so scared of the Sonic plushie, that he/she throws it away or drives far away from where the plushie is location? This pasta’s plot holes are becoming BLACK holes!)

This is how he’s able to kill people so easily without anyone noticing, he comes out of the computer, pulls the soul outta the person’s body and then goes back into the computer to retreat into his dimension. There, he can make the soul he captured his slave for all eternity. (So, what happens to the person’s body after their soul is sucked out? How do the families of the players react to this fictional disaster?

'''Bobby, Derek’s younger brother: Hey, Derek! Guess what! I finally got my girlfriend to have sex with me tonight! You were absolutely right about being safe with condoms! Gee, who would have thought!'''

Derek:………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Bobby: Derek, I miss you when you do this.

Derek:………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

'''Bobby: Damn, middle school is a pain in the ass for me. *Bobby writes “If you can read this, come into my room when you stop tripping out and tell me where you got that gnarly antidepressant shit from.” on a Post-It note and attaches it to Derek’s shirt. Bobby then leaves Derek’s soul-less body alone as he goes into another room.*)'''

If I was told about this long ago, I would NOT have believed it, but now I’m straight-up convinced. Everything Cole(slaw) has told me is the truth so far, and right now I am writing down all that he’s telling me, just in case any of this information becomes useful. (Pfft! I assume that the truth will be VERY useful in solving this case, dipshit!)

6:30 pm

Cole told me that he has to go, he’ll get in trouble if he gets caught talking to me, (Why? Cole and Derek don’t seem to be in a romantic relationship or anything. What, do Cole’s parents want to keep him a virgin for his entire life or something?) but he says he’ll Skype me again soon, until then I’m asked to write down the names of any potential victims this time. I am also asked to keep an eye out.

The Cult is getting suspicious.

4:30 pm April 22nd, 2012

29th murder and no word from Cole yet. I nearly escaped from a few members of the cult and anybody that might be involved. I can’t trust anyone now. (Not even……..SQUIDWARD’S HOUSE!) I need to stay in my apartment more often so no one finds me. (The main protagonist has just vowed that for the rest of his life, he needs to stay inside his house at all times, indirectly telling us that he’s going to become a couch potato. What a great role model for the kiddies!)

The person killed this time was a middle-aged guy named Paul. He was very paranoid of the outside world and anything could traumatize the poor guy. Apparently he had a Sonic Adventure 2 game to stay sane and he always played as Dr. Eggman.

I betcha X has made the poor man a vegetable in his world by now. (OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH KKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY…………………)

May 4th, 2012

I just realized something!

Why is it that the Chief tried to get me offa the job? Why did he confiscate the damned game disk? Why has he been practically intercepting every one of mine and Chelsea’s moves in this case?!

I’ll tell ya why, He’s in on this! He’s working for the Cult of X! It’s the only explanation! (Uh, listen here, buddy. I think Chiefy’s just trying to keep you calm over the recent loss of your sister.)

He took the game disk so that way the Cult could use it to continue with the killings! (If the Chief was X, then why would he take the game disc away from Derek? After all, when Derek investigates deeper into this case, he would certainly play the mysterious game, killing him in the process! Once he’s dead, Chiefy takes the disc out of the house, problem solved! *The Critic slaps his own head harshly with his hand.* AH, DUOY!!!) But the boss, oh the boss, he can’t be involved in this too…He’s been mine and Chelsea’s friend for years! No, no, I don’t think he would ever go in on this. Matter of fact I don’t think he even KNOWS about what’s going on. (Wasn’t Boss Boss helping Derek out behind the Chief’s back, oh, LAST TIME WE FRIGGIN SAW THE BOSS?) Damn Chief…why would you do this….

When I uncover this conspiracy, I’m ratt(le)ing you out!

August 12th, 2012

Boss called, two more murders, 30 and 31. (Oh, ho ho, would you just look at that! Looks like Boss Boss is helping Derek out again IN THE NEXT GOSHDAMN, MOTHERFUCKING PARAGRAPH!!!!! What an IDIOTIC COINDICENCE!!!)

Some kid named Tom hanged himself weeks before he gained a package from his diseased friend, Kyle. Not surprisingly, they both played the damn game, Kyle played it first and passed it on to Tom before X got him. Kyle tried to put up a good fight against X but he clearly was no match for the fiend. So Kyle tried to warn Tom not to play the game, but Tom did anyway. X used this as an advantage to mess with poor Tom’s head, making him believe that his curiosity and wanting to help others was what caused his best friend’s suffering. Tom tried to commit suicide by hanging in order to save himself from X, but apparently it failed. (USELESS FLASHBACK THAT DETAILS THE FIRST STORY THAT YOU READ ALREADY AND IS THE REASON YOU’RE READING THIS SEQUEL MOVING ON)

(Ranger) X is not only dangerous and powerful, he is downright sadistic and insane. He thinks that all the horrific things he’s doing is all part of some silly game!

X…you monster…Why are you doing this?! WHAT are you trying to gain?!

(*X shows up next to Tom with a sign that says: “X’s can’t read hate mail from a different dimension.”*

'''X: BEEP, BEEP! PTT-T-LTT-HUT-TUTT! *X quickly runs back into his own dimension*)'''

August 24th, 2012

Played more of the game. The level Sally was in was really odd, she was in what appeared to be an old, desolate city, (I guess she should ESCAPE from it! Oh, quit booing me!) the sky a dull dark mixture of clouds, everything all dull empty and dead...no (dull) music. What was weird is how she was (dully) smiling…maybe she found something good? (I don’t think what she found was good. At best, what Sally found was DULL.)

No. That wasn’t the case at all, after I had her run and jump past debris, she reached the end of the level.

Sonic…no, X….was there…

(Gotta go fast!

Gotta go fast!

Gotta go faster, faster, faster faster faster

Go go go go go go go SONIC X!)

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

(And Sally said "Um, I think you have something in your teeth." X turned away from me And then turned back and said "Did I get it?"                                                                                                 

'''Sally said "Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it... But hey, ya know, don't sweat it." Then he said "How about now?" Sally said "Yeah, almost. There's still a little bit there But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast.")'''

Then another message.

“See? I’m not such a bad guy, Derek…”

Then another…

“(It’s my party and) I can be kind when I want to…”

Then it showed X holding Sally’s hand smiling warmly at her. She looked different now: Her eyes were sewn shut and her color pallete seemed darker.

X gently placed his hands around her head…

“I really do love humans, Derek.” (So apparently, Sally loves Dr. Robotnik right now. Didn’t she and the other Freedom Fighters SEE what Robotnik did to their world?)

“So much fun to play with…” (Well, last I checked, you weren’t on a team called the Freedom PLAYERS.)

“In fact…I guess you could say…”

Then it showed me a close up of X, with a wide mad grin, violently snapping Sally’s neck, she was still smiling as though she didn’t feel any pain from it. (Tough love.)

“…They’re the ULTIMATE TOY.” (OH, GOSH! I’M GETTING HORRIBLE PICTURES IN MY MIND OF SALLY TOYING WITH DR. ROBOTNIK’S DICK!!!)

I almost (cutaway) gagged at that. The main menu showed Sally I her TV screen, still in her darker (united) state(s of America). She was still smiling…She can’t have possibly ENJOYED any of that.

8:30 pm

(Old King) Cole just called me. He said that all the characters you play as in the game is all of Exe’s slaves, (All my exes live in Texas.) turned into horrific parodies of Sonic characters, or at least, turned into their favorite Sonic characters, and X sets them up randomly in each game to show us humans what’s in store for us…. …Wait…

Oh God….No…No! (Holy shit! The horror! I’m deathly afraid of walking in front of fun house mirrors!)

I won’t do it! I won’t play the game just to watch you harm her, X!

FUCK YOU!! (Well…………………this is a first. A pasta protagonist saying “Fuck you!” towards the antagonist………………………………………If you can’t tell why anyone hasn’t done this in any pasta I reviewed beforehand, then you’re a moron. FUCK YOU!!)

August 25th 2012 More information on X.

X has these 7 (wonders of the world) “guardians” ruling over his world alongside him. They are essentially extensions of Exe himself, made from his power combined with powerful emotions of humans. Each guardian is named after the emotions they were born from. (Purple is his passion, Red is his rage, Pink: his happiness, Orange: his laziness, and Grey is his timidity!)

Kito – Prayer Aishu – Sorrow (waaat the fuuuck) Gekido – Rage Kirai – Hatred (Why are you naming them after obscure Japenese references?) Kofuku – Happiness Kyofu – Fear (I can BARELY tell those two totally different emotions apart. Please explain to me why you put those two names right next to each other.) Yukubo – Desire (I desire to do anything else other than criticize this! (Which is why this part took a while to make.))

X created these beings to not only maintain (law and) order in his world, but to cause trouble in ours. They corrupt humans and make them more susceptible to X snatching them away by manipulating their emotions. (……………………………………………………………….*The Critic walks away from his computer and outside of his house to go buy a Four Loco at 7-Eleven. After returning home from the walk, he takes out a shot glass, opens the beer can, and starts to chug each shot down that he can pour from the can until he drinks the whole can down. He then says: 

OH, NOW I UNDERSTAND IT!!!)

For example Gekido could bring out your anger and make you violent towards others, while Yukubo could manipulate your desires and confuse you with what’s reality and what’s not.

Also, Cole has informed me that X plans to one day permanently crossover to our world so that way, his reality will merge with ours and all of mankind will become X’s slaves for eternity!

But how…How does he plan to accomplish such a feat?!

Cole thinks that the Cult is thinking up ways to make it so. But so far none of their attempts have been successful. (Just remember, everyone! You’re reading the sequel to Sonic.exe! Can’t you tell?) Apparently their knowledge in computers is not as superior as the unknown original creator of the disk. …I asked why Cole knew so much of this. I dunno what compelled me to ask, but I’m guessing it’s been nagging me for some time. Dear god… (God: La, la, la. Hm, hm, hm. Not listening to your bullshit. Judge Judy’s on, and she’s blasting a defendant who made homemade cocaine in his garage. Doo, doo, doo.) Poor Cole….He revealed that he was a member of the Cult of X. but he didn’t like what he was getting into and tried to stop the Cult, at least until X got to him first, now he’s stuck in X’s world, he said he’s lucky to have even found me, since the window is still here. Anyway, he’s telling me that he has information on how to put a stop to X and the Cult’s plans, the best way he knows how to stop X in his tracks is to destroy the disk, that way his only way in and out of worlds will be gone and he won’t be able to cause any more trouble in ours.

The Chief still has the disk. I need to prepare on getting it back…. (Oh, that won’t be a problem, seeing as how you can steal pretty much anything from the Chief and not get an appropriate punishment!)

8:42 pm

….X got Cole….I was in the middle of talking with Cole while preparing and then we got disconnected. When it reconnected Cole’s username changed to “X”.

X told me that Cole has been cheating, and needs to be punished, and then he posted “HA” over, and over, and over, and OVER…. (Oh, say it!

Over and over,

Over and over,

Over and over,

'''And over again. Aw, yeah!)'''

Goddamn you Sonic.exe!!!

My hand is still bleeding from shattering the screen. But I don’t care…not anymore… It’s time to end this. I’m gonna go get that damn disk and destroy it. If I don’t write back after this final entry….well…let’s just say that whoever finds this, whoever reads this diary, pleases find it as instructive as you can. (And near the ending of this epic tale of woe and shit, we get some horribly forced irony! My expectations for this pasta have all been met.)

Everything you’ve read in my diary is the truth, X is a monster from another world, and the Cult of X is conspiring to help him take over our world. This cannot happen! 

(United States President (to the national presses): ISIS is planning to destroy everyone who disagrees with their philosophies! And after doing that, ISIS plans to take over the world!...................................................................................This cannot…..happen!

*The President looks embarrassed as all the people holding their microphones at the President all say “What?” quietly*)

I hope that whoever finds this and tries to put an end to this (marble) madness. This is a game, a game on a BIGGER scale, we are ALL pawns in an elaborate, chaotic game where the rules are being devised by the mind of a MONSTER!

Please do whatever you can, friend, he must be stopped.

Goodbye and good luck.

Derek Green

That was Derek’s last journal entry…He wrote this 3 weeks ago…Today is his birthday.

And now he’s dead. (So now that Boss Boss knows what Derek failed to do, why doesn’t he try to avenge Derek’s death by destroying the game disc? (It might be because Derek is a shit protagonist, in which case I can understand.))

I wondered why he acted the way he was during these horrible events, (Maybe because his SISTER WAS KILLED because of this cult?) I was worried about my friend, but I never bothered to find out why at the time….I feel so stupid. Derek tried to fight this battle alone and I did nothing. I haven’t heard from Derek in 3 weeks, (because now HE’S DEAD.) but yesterday I got an E-mail from someone named Cole. (Did…………….did you not pay attention to the diary entries at all, you idiotic shitnugget?)

It was addressed strictly to Bob Richardson.

That’s my name… (And why you didn’t tell us this earlier I don’t know. I literally called you “Boss Boss” for the entirety of this garbage, and thought that it was really your name.)

I clicked on it and it was an audio tape that was made September 13th. That was made a day ago before I got the E-mail. I clicked on it.

This is what was on the audio tape....

(Recording starts, a man is grunting and yelling as two people are dragging him into the room) (If it’s an audio tape, how can you tell that exactly TWO people are dragging the man into a room?)

Derek: Get your fucking hands off me, you crazy cultist freaks!!!

(The sound of high-heels is heard as another person walks into the room) (High heels, huh? So, is Derek being raped? Also, wasn’t it extremely convenient that Cole recorded this situation at the exact right moment in the exact correct location in the world?)

Shannon Goldman: Isn’t that what you would call the Christians and the Satanists, Mr. Green?

Derek: Goldman! (Struggling is heard) (Oh yeah, that random bitch that was randomly thrown into the middle of the story and then never heard from again! I see why she was brought back into the story now!.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!)

(More high-heel sounds as Goldman approaches Derek) (I’m seriously thinking that Derek’s going to be raped as punishment for his actions.) 

Goldman: Derek, why do you deny X? Don’t you see what he’s trying to do for everyone? He only wants to make our world as happy as he is.

Derek: (Quietly) Happy? (More loudly) YOU THINK STEALING SOULS AND TURNING THEM INTO PUPPETS IS BEING HAPPY?! OUR PLANET IS NOT HIS TOYBOX, YOU BITCH!!! (“I’M ACTING! SOMEONE GIVE ME AN EMMY, DAMMIT!”)

Goldman: (More coldly) It’s not your place to decide what X wants with humanity, Mr. Green. He is a divine being that wishes to make humanity happy by showing us the paradise that is HIS world, and taking us from the wretched filth of a planet we’ve been forced to live on. (Unless X’s dystopia has no religion or money or something like that, then I don’t think I would want to move from Florida/Hawaii into the bottomless pits of hell.)

Derek: (Struggling) Some of us actually LIKE this planet, Goldman! X’s world is nothing more than a PRISON! All X cares about is making us his (a child’s) plaything for all eternity! Can’t you see it’s not fair?! (Of course it’s not fair! I’m critiquing this at the start of fall! The fairs all ended in the summer!)

Goldman: (Surprisingly angry) What do YOU know about what’s not fair?! (“Well I certainly know that fall is not a good time to hold a fair! And I’m smarter than you because you’re a dumb dummy so there!” *Derek blows a raspberry at Shannon*)

Derek: More than YOU do obviously!

(A loud slap is heard and Derek falls to the ground) (Ouch! Derek literally just got bitchslapped!)

Goldman: (Quietly) You fool…X chose ME to be his most loyal (dicksucker) because HE knew I never liked this planet, he knew I want to be rid of the stupidity humanity is causing! I’m perfectly okay with being X’s slave if it means getting away from it all, getting the peace I finally deserve after all this time! And if everyone’s gotta go with me then TOO FUCKING BAD!!

(Fun fact: Shannon Goldman & X = 2 people.

The entire population of the world = 7.3 BILLION people.

'''Good luck, Shannon! You’ll need it!)'''

Derek: (chuckling rather shakingly) Whatever…it doesn’t matter anyway, ‘cause I’m going to stop you. Once and for all.

Goldman: Oh are you now? With what I presume?

(Derek: With fuck logic!)

Derek: (pulls out something from his coat) With THIS! (several gasps and murmurs are heard) (There’s a crowd watching? Are you kidding me? This torturing is a live TV show program for the people in X’s world? Does watching this give them a boost of confidence?) Cole told me that the only way X can enter our world to collect more souls is with this! Well NO MORE!!

(A loud snapping noise is heard, silence is heard)

(Goldman starts laughing) (Why did Derek tell everyone watching in X’s world that he had a secret weapon that could DESTROY X’S WORLD? Why didn’t he break it without saying anything when Shannon was giving her “TOO FUCKING BAD!” speech?)

Goldman: So Cole told you that, huh? Ha! A smart boy, but even geniuses tend to get their information wrong.

Derek: (I said) W-what (in the butt)? What do you mean?

Goldman: Easy. (high heels again as Goldman walks across the room) It’s true that X cannot enter our world unless someone places that disk into a computing system. But I’m curious, Mr. Green….

(the sound of Goldman pulling out something from her pocket)

Goldman: Whatever made you both think that THAT disk in particular was the original?

Derek: (shakingly) N…No…No that can’t be…! (1. Asspull of a twist. 2. So, if that was a copy of the original disc that Derek broke, X couldn’t have gotten Derek and trapped him in his world if Derek didn’t go into Rambo detective mode. So how could have Shannon or X known that Derek was going to end up in X’s world the hard way? Wait a second…….HOW did Derek end up in X’s world the hard way?)

Goldman: A brilliant theory I might add, but I’m afraid it’s your last one, Detective. (the sound of a disk being inserted into a CD drive is heard) (Ooh, I wonder how Derek is going to die! Maybe the disc will fly out of the tray, slicing him in half! Or maybe, the disc has a bunch of seizure lights on it that will bring him into a fatal epilepsy!.............................................................................Hey, don’t look at me like that! I know that you all want him to die as well.)

Derek: (violent struggling and yelling is heard) NO!! NOO!! LET ME GO!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!

(and then strange supernatural (and artificial flavorings) sounds are heard, and then the audio breaks up and distorts a bit, a new person is walking into the room as Derek is screaming for his life)

X: Hi, Derek…

Derek: NOOO!!! NOOOOO!!

X: (more clearly) READY FOR ROUND 2? (Wasn’t Round 2 the level where Sally was a playable character?)

(then loud screeching noises are heard as the audio distorts more badly more, Derek is screaming (more), Sonic.exe’s is laughing as there is a loud tune '''(SONIC.EXE’S A REAL, LIVING GODDAMN BEING? IT’S A FUCKING VIDEOGAME CHARACTER!!!) playing sped up and in reverse and a loud, fast, drumlike rhythm booming loudly as the whole audio distorts and breaks up, finally ending in (a Kefka laugh and) '''static)

(the audio tape ends)

After hearing this…I’ve never felt so helpless…

Both my friends are gone…taken from me. (If you’re the boss of a police squad, shouldn’t you have other pals on the job?)

There’s nothing I can do about this…. (Well, you could send all units to look out for Shannon Goldman and have her killed on the spot along with the disc, or you could continue to sit there like a lazy ass couch potato munching on Dunkin Donuts. But knowing the writer’s incompetency, I think you’ll do the latter.)

I’m a useless cop after all. (Yep. You’ve done so many good deeds in your policeman job that you’ve earned the ranking of Boss. You’re completely useless.)

But I hope someday, someone, somewhere is able to put a stop to this, to do what I failed to do. I have to hope…I have to believe there’s a chance at winning this….(“And that’s where YOU come in, my fellow readers! Only you can stop focusing on everything that you’re currently having fun doing to go save our world! Because if there’s no hope to beat this completely real tyrant, Sonic.exe wins the game!”……………………………………………………………Eh, now that I think about it, that last line sounds WAY too corny and fake to be said by the Boss character, even for this writer!)

Because if there is no hope…

No chance….

…Sonic.exe wins the game. (HOLY SHIT HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT FORCED BULLCRAP?!?!?)

'''(So that was the sequel to Sonic.exe. Did the original title of this pasta foreshadow what was inside of it? I’d say no. As I found out from several of my glorious fans, this pasta was originally called “Sonic.exe: Round 2”. It was then renamed “Sonic.exe 2: Electric Boogaloo” when it was moved to the Trollpasta Wiki. And boy howdy, that REVISED title foreshadowed the story for sure! Compared to the original, I could kind of see that the writer was TRYING to learn from his previous mistakes with how some of the drama was written, but with lazy and dated slang in place of real words, corny dialogue, confusing and forced plot twists, characters that are all horrible or are introduced in the middle of the story, dumbass characters, hammy drama, and barely focusing on playing the Sonic.exe videogame that was an extremely prominent feature in the original, you can see how this revision on the shit original became a slightly less shittier story compared to the original. Now I gotta watch some…………..................…..I mean “need to” watch some cartoons to ease my brain due to this monstrosity! I’m the Creepypasta Critic, and if you forget my name, then I’ll murder you slowly while you sleep!)'''

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Hmm, what’s this? A Be Cool, Scooby Doo episode is premiering? Well, I did love Mystery Incorporated, so count me in! I’m watching it!................................................................Huh, the humor seems pretty good. It kind of reminds me of American Dad’s humor, before that series turned to shit. I better watch some more of the episode to pay attention to how good the animation should be when comparing it to Mystery Incorporated………………………………………………………….HOLY CRAP THE ANIMATION’S HORRIB- *The Critic has a seizure on the floor due to how stressed he is combined with how cheap Be Cool, Scooby Doo’s animation is*)